Tuesday, February 23, 2016

#RealTalk: Ashton's Experiences With Hook Ups & Dating

***GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING***

In my experience dating and hookups have had quite interesting outcomes for me over the last ten years. I have no shame in stating that I like to fuck and although I am not active at the moment, I have my bachelor tendencies. It doesn't make me a hoe when I have a random encounter, it is self care, I got my nut. I have had the pleasure of monogamous relationships, some where I was the bad guy and others where I was the good guy. We all have those experiences, but today I want share my weirdest and most fuckery filled engagements with men in Houston and in my travels over the years.

Hook Ups: I'm going to start with the worst one first. it was 2005 going into 2006 and I am still new to Houston. My method of meeting guys was through going out and online via Adam4Adam as well as other sites. Well, I met this guy online and he seemed pretty cool, great convo, went to TSU and yeah we were hooking up. His first strike was showing up to my house unprepared for sex. He did the surface clean and not the deep cleanse one may want to do when one is a bottom. Anyway, I discovered this five minutes in when I pulled out of him to add more lube. I was turned off and he was embarrassed to the point of leaving. I guess you are wondering why I started with this story, keep reading! About a month later I get a call and its him.

Him: You at home, I want to make up for the last time....

Me: Yeah, I take that as you are in my area...

Him: I'm on your street, can I come through?

In my head I'm thinking come though, I need some cakes and I'm not turning down a phatty!

Me: Come through...

It turns out that he was fully intentioned to come over, When he got to the door I heard him on the phone in a jovial tone. So I peeped out of my peep hole to make sure it was him and opened the door to a level of fuckery that I had never seen before (at that point). He takes ONE step across the threshold, reach into his bag and pulls out a Walmart back with a green box in it. It didn't register at first, but it turned out to be a fleet.  In my mind I was saying, "ok he came to get prepped by me, better than not being prepped...." and then the thought was quickly broken by this statement: 

"Surprise, I told you that I would make it up to you and put this ass on you...but I need $500 dollars."

As I, in a temporary state of shock, geared up for a response, I heard myself laughing hysterically! I don't pay for sex, I get what I want, when I want it, FOR FREE. He went as far as to start undressing as I was telling him "nigga get cho ass out of my apartment!" Once again he left in an embarrassed state. 

Before I continue, here are some bedroom definitions (Sexual roles do not indicate whether someone is masculine or feminine.):


  • Top - usually a person who engages in the penetrative role during sexual activity; this often involves penetration using the penis during anal sex.
  • Bottom - usually the receptive partner during sexual penetration. This frequently refers to those who are penetrated through the anus during anal sex.
  • Versatile - Refers to a person who enjoys both topping and bottoming, or being dominant and submissive, and may alternate between the two in sexual situations.

The best hook ups have always been offline though, My best hook up was with this guy who was visiting New Orleans while I was visiting home (was still living in Houston). I ran into my friends of the pre Katrina world and we just chilled in the Vieux CarrĂ© that evening. Somehow we were signaling attraction to each other the whole time and once we separated from the group, it was on an poppin. It started with me walking with him to to Tulane hospital and him slamming me against the wall and stealing a kiss. He was an Alpha male like me and I was attracted to that, the aggression he had was everything!!!! So we walked to his car which was small, instead we didn't make it to the car,...we made it to the third floor of the stairwell in the parking garage. It was at that moment I realized it took a special kind of dude to bring it out of me. I took him right there on the stairs, he didn't fight it he let them pants drop and we skipped the oral. What made it so hot is that, this straight couple caught us and they watched and I banged this dude out. The chick went as far as to ask me to fuck her with her man right there. I declined so they somehow found room to do their thing too, I didn't care and it was like life exemplified, I was free in that moment, never saw him again. NOTE: I am no angel.


Dating: there have been guys who have had my interest for sure, there have been extremes though.

On one end, you have the INSTANT RELATIONSHIP TYPE...they call you bae out of the gate. and you barely know them. Shit, can I know if I even like your personality? I have had the displeasure of experiencing men like this. One story I have is this guy, mind you we never had sex or anything that would lead to it. He was sweet at first but wanted me to be all of the things that fit heteronormative, masculine mold. I am a naturally masculine guy, but I'm not going to date a guy who wants to to be submissive, we can be the best of friends though. I respect what people want and know when I don't fit into that mold. Before I go further, note that being feminine and submissive are two very different things, and I have loved a feminine man who was very dominant. Anyway this guy wanted me to treat him like (in his words) he was a bitch and would get mad when I didn't answer the phone or hang with him. I never committed or promised attraction beyond friendship after that first date. He was a great guy, just not to be with....


On the other end, there is the SPACE VIOLATOR....This one does not know how to respect boundaries. Hell, he is ignorant of boundaries in the first place. A kiss is not permission to reach below the belt. And that's IF I want to kiss you. This is the one that assumes sexual compatibility and ALWAYS gets it wrong! I had a few of these too, one in particular who thought he could magically change me from Top to Bottom. Truth be told I tried it, it is not my cup of tea, I'm not insecure about my ass being grabbed and etc, if I fucking give you permission. We hung out, things went well and then he tried to reach into my pants to only have his hand twisted back and away from my body. NO MEANS NO. Aggression is great if it is mutual, but don't pretend to want me for me when you only want my body  and not my mind. These two experiences did not lead to continued contact or any further dates.

THE BEST GUY TO DATE is one that goes with the flow of the moment, upfront about his shit and does not hold his tongue. He is ok with sex on the first date and will still want to get to know your mind mutually. Hangups and small crap tend not to be an issue for him and this presents the opportunity to have a lover and best friend at the same damn time. No heteronormative roles, just two guys meeting each other where they are.