It should be noted that I am writing from my perspective, which is that of a Black, masculine presenting gay man who happens to be an Atheist. I will be writing about my thoughts and experiences as an activist, human and life in general. These posts will not be academic or even properly written in some of your opinions.
Entry #2: Zero Fucks Given
|Photo Credit: Burnell McCray|
My level of trust for people is at an all time low. People do and say things that make me wonder why I do some of the work that I do in the Black LGBT community. Messy, shady, and all of those evil things that folks can be, I have experienced and witnessed. If you think I'm too "out" or too "loud" or too anything then there is a space for you and your platform to do it your way. I get some of you don't respect that I did this without the cliche college degree, without buying into respectability politics, without being a church queen, and without kissing rings, sucking dicks or brown nosing asses for short term benefits to say that I accomplished something. I do this because I give a damn about my communities. I don't give a fuck about titles and status, I don't care to be one of the plastics.
I can't pretend that I want to take part in many groups in the Black Gay community of Houston or anywhere else for that matter. Too much ring kissing and etc, I like not being obligated and bound by narcissistic and needy mentalities. I like this path I took without little boosts and pick me ups from "fathers and muthas." I did it honest, by just wanting to help and be a servant to my communities. It took longer and the support structure is non traditional, but I wouldn't change it for anything. Don't take it personal or as shade, I came out at 15 so I was exposed to the "frats" and "families" sooner than most and it gave me an edge on choice and individuality. I dodged some bullets to say the least. These bullets would have me in jail for writing checks and memorizing the credit card numbers of tipsy people from across the way at club 2020 and etc.
I didn't join the houses and the families because it seemed predatory, let me say there are some more than honorable families out there. But there are two sides to a coin and I do not trust men of any orientation to be honest, I don't trust fellow gay men. In the quest for individuality, folks saw me as this young teenger that they could shape into the things they wanted me to be. I had learned what it meant to be Transgender from my friend Amber, on the surface level and where I fit into the gender spectrum. I knew early on and fully understood that my gender identity is that of a man. He. Him. His. I say all that to say this, there are people out there who wanted to exploit my young body and tried to get me to transition and make me prostitute. I mean it came to a point where I was nearly forced to take hormones, until a friend walked in fussing for them to stop. While on the other end of the spectrum I got to meet folks to told me to just be me. This is why I am so supportive of the Transgender community, because transition should not be taken so lightly.
On one end of the spectrum I dressed in drag for fun at least five or six times and on the other it was peer pressure, you gotta make coins so do this drag show, to which I said no. There is totally nothing wrong with that in my opinion if you enter that realm without pressure and etc. It was cool but I preferred jeans and a tanktop with budding facial hair. Then there were the older men who wanted me to be like the other boys my age and be manipulated into sex + shelter for a colorful outfit from Banana Republic and some Kenneth Cole Boots. I had to find me, and in finding ME I learned to encourage folks to do whats right for them. Had I not been thrust into the world early on, experienced rape, attempted rape, physical altercations and etc, I would not be who you see today. This is why when I witnessed up close and from distance the fuckery that is the non traditional "fraternity," I ran for the hills. I saw leadership by folks doing mediocre things and taking credit for work done by its members on a completely individual basis....